it snowed last night, at around 11 o'clock. though it's not the first of this winter, it's the one that announces the arrival of winter. and perhaps all the excitement plus the miseries of it. my life in mongolia has been thrusting along, at times slowly but mostly bumpy at an uncomfortably fast speed, since i moved here in august. adapting to the weather and now the smoke, the traffic patterns and now the slippery roads are all proving to be refreshing, yet misguiding. initially it seems a breeze, as long as you are aware, listen well and not let on that the language is difficult to muster, i should slip into this society unnoticed. however, this is not the case. my office under the peace bridge is shabby and cold, has people in it that i'm not particularly keen to spend my whole day with and the damn desk keeps scratching my silk whenever i get up for water that is half there.
having a certain amount of income of course helps me to feel that what i'm doing must not be a complete waste of time, and it's worth someone paying me to go through all these doubts and insecurities on a new job, fresh out of uni. however, it's still enough to make one feel as helpless and useless as a rich little girl with time to kill and no brain to spare. do i need a validation? maybe. do i want a new job? no. as much as it seems hard, perhaps with the words of a woman who sees things and the belief of a loved man, i still have the face to, and thus the will too, check my e-mail once more before bed time and prepare for the next day.
Thoughts of a woman living in Mongolia but dreaming amongst the stars.
