My summer of...

Reading a New Year magazine on mindfulness, listening to a New Year podcast on time management, at the end of a New Me trip. Not exactly what I had imagine myself to be doing on a bus, which later broke down in the middle of a no-signal steppe beside a volcanic crater for seven hours, ferrying 40 odd people from all over the world towards our capital city Ulaanbaatar. This was the last leg of my summer month-an unexpectadly insightful and educational trip around the countryside attending a fieldschool on energy transition in Mongolia, that ended up becoming my personal transitional experience.

The fieldschool is a unique experience, organised for the first time by the American Center for Mongolian Studies based in UB, in combining scientific research, knowledge, on the ground study and learning of a particular subject in a particular place. In this case the study of the energy situation in Mongolia as an infrastructural and economic issue as well as being an environmental and development dilemma. The experience of being taught the technical side of various renewable and non-renewable energy options in its location gives a complete experience of the magnitude of the problems we face today as a country, and what that means for us in the future. Although, we were tasked with individual projects as part of the school experience to further our understanding and possibly take action in our own professional ways (mine was in no way related to my profession but has become a follow-up to an avenue that I had started on eight years ago and will hopefully take up again) my personal experience of the trip has taken me beyond my expectations.

The prelude to this post should actually start as 'MyWinter of...' because I went on a trip last December which came at the most fortuitious time for me personally. This trip helped me transform my life following a particularly challenging time that summer, and it gave me back my confidence to not especially 'run the world' but definitely to realise my worth. It may sound like a cliche in this time and age to become sentimental about 'transformations' and 'self-worth' especially on a blog, but with more life lived and understanding that more is yet to come, perhaps you start to listen to those whispers and recognise that feeling in you about the changes you're finally going through. Which in my case was really about learning to embrace your abilities and experiences, and owning up to your visions and dreams.

So, ambiguity aside, this second trip from this summer has given me another opportunity to learn again, carve out some space to breathe and think, meet interesting and awe inspiring people, have loads of fun laughing in nature, swimming in lakes and travelling through histories. It has brought me full circle to a place and time in my life where I am no longer afraid to make plans going forward, and feeling brave enough to become steady and solid. I found that it's in fact easy to be wistful, contemplative and carefree in tough times-a way to avoid emotions by just dancing around it. It is much harder to decide to become resolute. In the time between last December and this July I have floated, mingled and dabbled because I now realise I needed that time to just stumble around a bit, stretching my legs. In this time I have learnt a great many things, made stupid decisions and faced ugly situations. But I still refused to steady myself because I was worried I would go and get stuck on the wrong thing, again. Some people believe in making haste and adapting quickly to solve matters of the heart because it will hurt less, but I believe in taking the time to recognise my weaknesses and feel the pain, to better build my resilience for the future.

The infamous magazine I mentioned was simple in its message: take care of yourself.
The podcast by a talented friend was helpful in its reminder: make plans.
And the new me is forgiving in its past mistakes: take one day at a time, and laugh more.

They sing what a difference a day makes, and I write what a difference a year makes. I guess I was about seven months behind schedule in my mind and heart clock and this fast forward has finally brought me up to my present, albeit via a path unexpected but fully embraced at every turn.

Photo credit: Janis Michael