I watched two films with my (older) son over the Lunar New Year break. Blood Diamond and Wit. For a seven year-old, it was a little heavy going for a choice and he was way below the age rating but they were on at a time when we happen to have some time together and I was able to explain things right then and there.
Turns out both films started us on a journey of deep discussion-one about poverty, child soldiers, war and killing for a cause; second about death, illness, regrets and eventually euthanasia. We have talked about death since he was four years old, mainly because I didn't want him to fear it but to understand how it makes people feel and it's ok to have these feelings, rather than be afraid of it and avoid it. And these films, under some careful remote control rewinds and fast forwards, let us do that more deeply.
I love films in that they create space fo people to talk about ideas and concepts. They bridge gaps as well as bringing shared experienes together. My most significant experiences and moments with my dad have been through films. Having grown up apart we had a somewhat limited history, and didn't really know how to react and be with each other. I presume it was very much the same for my younger brother also. We ended up bonding over films as children. Our memories of being together and having a laugh are in most cases entrenched in some form of movie scenes and quotes. Ronin and A Long Kiss Goodnight were favourites. Rush Hour and Bean guaranteed laughs. Perhaps because of this I take to heart messages of movies and carry it with me in all aspects of my life. The stories, the characters, the situations and behaviours in many films I've seen with my dad have always stayed, and those I've seen without him, I still wonder today what he would have thought of them. I was, and am today in some ways, always trying to figure out any truths from a move with hope that it would offer some guidance in my real life. As romanticising as it may be, I always felt that films had the answer to everything.
And so, when I suddenly realised that I was able to talk to my son about issues that were real and significant through the medium of a movie I have an awesome sense of completeness where I was, able to connect with my child on a new level via something that I feel deeply and strongly about-the magic of movies. I only hope he remains curious and courageous about life because he was able to begin to explore all its complexities through movies, with his mum.
The reason I remembered this entry from two years ago and dug it out to re-read and write it here was I have recently been rolling around in my head several thoughts, and today it all seemed to tie in together. Over the last few months I have been a part-time teacher at home for my boys and it has brought up some challenges, but more importantly, even more joy. My older son goes to a school that predominantly speak English. As much as people are objecting to the inability of Mongolian children to speak their native language, or the judgement upon parents of these children, I still maintain that I made the right decision to teach my son English and speak it at home also. Mind, there has been serious concerns over the years about whether this was the right decision, many fuelled by peer pressure or parental pressure more like. But now I feel rather confident that we'll be alright and here's why:
My children are able to take in and digest information and knowledge that is appropriate but also expected at their age. Mongolian books, songs, TV shows etc are so limited in their expression or variety that if he didn't speak English I would be unable to fill that gap by myself. And being an international langauge, I say let's give them an advantage where we can. Secondly, having been brought up in a predominantly English society I rather like the the idea of and look forward to the ability to share with him many of the pop culture, history and experiences that I can relate to. And here's where my mind has been circulating-is it more important to maintain native language and history in order to identify as one thing or is it more important to embrace whatever forms of expression in order to identify with people, full stop.
Instead of forcing each other to identify to a concept of, say, a family or a community, what if we just allow each other to identify to each other first. And if two people are able to identify with each other, no matter through what medium, let that be. Whether it’s a mixed up language, common experiences or even movies. And if embraced, this ability for us as people to identify with each other on a global scale today is what will maintain our humanity. We want to raise children of this earth as humane beings that love, respect and accept each other, no matter what tools they use, be it social media, messages, FaceTime, emails, phone calls, visits, shared meals or even quarrels. An unfortunately the society that I live in today is lacking these options for young children to be able to understand empathy and humanity, especially when they spend such significant part of their growing in lockdown. The movies, music and community understandings does not go beyond their immediate circles like family or school. To be able to look beyond your surroundings and look out into the world to try and understand it, children need to be able to see, hear and understand first and find their own particular ways of participating. And despite the question from family, friends and even random strangers about why I choose to speak English with my sons, I still stand by my decision. Because it allows them that window into an even wider world of understading, information and ideas. When your children start to grow up and start to look around themselves, beyond you as a parent for affirmation, support, information and understanding, the music they are able to listen to, the books they are able to read, the movies they are able to watch become ever more important.
This post today is a mixture of thoughts I have had rolling around in my head for a few years now. Thoughts on raising my children, the language we choose, the topics we discuss, the ideas I want them to feel out, and the history we have lived through before they were even born.
I watched History 101 today on Netflix. And I know that I will watch the series again with my older son later because I see how much he is able to learn from these facts, and what kind of platform it opens up for us to talk even more and share ideas. And I so wish that more and more children are able to have such an access, no matter how insignificant it may seem, to allow for parents to have conversations with their children that are beyond their everyday, or even about the everyday but in the context of the world. And having lived through the last few months in lockdown, I wish Mongolian children do not have to watch TV programmes everyday in order to get an education. I wish that Mongolian children are able to pick and choose science, art and humanity topics when they look for YouTube videos in Mongolian. I wish that Mongolian children can go to cinemas and watch movies that are dubbed perfectly into Mongolian, rather than sitting their struggling to understand and feeling ashamed to admit that they did not understand. I wish that Mongolian children are able to read books about our true history, especially modern history, without the embellishments and nostalgia that tints almost all fiction and even school textbooks. I wish we can all learn empathy by looking beyond ourselves. I wish for so many things.
