Existential crisis?

Someone I know has made the decision to quit work and move to the Mongolian countryside and live off the fat of the land as a herder, with his girlfriend. They're both highly educated and smart people with distinct voices and opinions and I don't mean to portray the girlfriend as an after thought but I'm afraid to this day we haven't met, despite my suspicions that we might get on real fine. Their decision has made me think about myself and what I want also. Ever since I returned to the UK minus my son and carrying with me a new found determination to do the best I can for him, there's also been some thoughts on what to do after this? Come the end of summer a decision must be made, like for everyone else in the world for whom their life is at the crossroads.

I'm a lucky person in that I grew up with the opportunity that many from Mongolia did not and do not have. My family has provided me and my brother and sister with the best possible start in life. Education and the chance to live a life of heightened awareness, especially when it comes to the complete polarity of life in Mongolia and in the UK. Considering the period in which we were born and grew up, I'm pretty sure thousands more young families and couples had also braced themselves for the tough times ahead and dedicated their lives for their children by choosing to move abroad and work countless hours making ends meet. These children grew up across the world in countries away from their home, friends and families, with some even losing touch with their backgrounds and language. I had always wished I grew up with my grandparents and cousins, and grew older with the children from my class at my first elementary school in Ulaanbaatar. The said person who's moving to the countryside is a classmate from this class and we found each other on Facebook of all places.

Over 20 years since the democratic movement in Mongolia has passed and now these children of the world have grown up-a time to consider about their futures and their own families has come. I know I have much to think about. Naturally many has the potential to become great leaders in their country in all fields, because on top of education, I believe they (and I) can appreciate the circumstances of their lives and perhaps grew up with a sense of desire to come back home and see things improve. Many has started to make the move back towards Mongolia either academically or career wise, however I sense a quite revolution coming, manifesting itself in changes that my above mentioned friend has made; careers in high end professions being shunned to do things their way; and in my case my wish to just spend time with my family and live in a country that I call my home.

For too many years I've lived a nomadic life where it's always been about moving onto the next pasture. Same goes for my parents and the parents of many others I presume. Even when I was living in Mongolia for a while after graduating I felt that it was always about the big job, the big opportunity, the people you must meet and know, the meeting you must attend and mingle. I doubt many of us who moved back even temporarily had any real idea of what Mongolia is and how beautiful it is. A sense of obligation and duty may be there but passion can only grow from within.

I envy the two people who've decided to live in a felt ger and I wish more people would do the same. But I'm also proud of a friend who quit an executive job because she didn't believe in it anymore no matter how important the position was. Another very good friend of mine chose to start at the very bottom even though her connections, education and even her desire to do good is way and above her superiors, because she wants to learn about her country rather than be delivered to a 'big' position that she would have otherwise been able to arrange had she wanted. Many people are starting to feel their own worth and value, and the potential contributions they can make as their own person, rather than as part of the machine that churns out policy makers and big shot project coordinators. They are not in a hurry because they believe in themselves. Enough to wait for the right time and opportunity, or better yet to make it for themselves.

As far as I'm concerned, despite a slight existential crisis, like everyone else at a certain time in their lives, concerning my plans for the future, I now feel less pressure for myself to go back and find the big job and join the rat race. Maybe because I miss my son so much or maybe because I did grow up with the privilege of choice, either way I would rather do what makes me happy. And how important that ends up being to the development of my country, only time will tell.