Teenager again

Recently I've made the decision for my son to live with his dad, my husband, in Mongolia during the time I have to finish my third and last term of my Masters degree. In this time I will try to put all my efforts and energy into finishing my studies and starting my dissertation research. Considering the amount of money spent as investment for our future and the times spent apart from my husband, I don't want all this effort to go to nothing by not achieving the best I can in my studies. Thus the very easy decision to leave my son in Mongolia has been made and the very very hard times of living with that decision has come.

The last 5 days being away from Arvis has been strange and unfamiliar. So far we've spoken three times a day, I've sung numerous amounts of songs and read all his books, on Skype! Despite the few teary conversations, I'm feeling ok.  Ofcourse I miss him so much but I'm comforted by the fact that he is being looked after and cared for by the people who love him the most, and feel that he is a lucky boy to have a good family on both sides. But funnily enough, my mum had also made this decision when she was my age, and I lived with my grandparents for a year. And now she is re-living the days of her leaving me behind, with feelings of guilt and sadness, and trying her best at reassuring me that Arvis is ok.

With Arvis ok, and my husband and I generally getting back into the life of being apart, I realise that I suddenly have all this time on my hand. Yes study is paramount but for the first time I have so much space and time to just be by myself. Not exactly young, free and single but actually older, married and duty-bound, however I have this strange period ahead of me where I will be away from all this and concentrate on myself. Watching the movies I wanted to watch, going for runs and getting lost in books. Making plans and dreaming about the future ahead, e-mailing people I forgot to get in touch with and generally having this great chance to catch-up as well as expand myself. If teenage years were realised as a time of potential then we'd all have gotten so far, and since most of us don't this is my teenage time, with a little bit more knowledge and awareness to make the most of it.